Downloaded the iPhone app, War. This is a quick moment you can have with your child with a competitive spirit. The fun part is you can shout “WAR!!!” together.

Little moments are the ones they remember.

Parenting with the iPhone…sort of.

Got my tail whipped (by my six-year-old son) yesterday playing ping-pong on my iPhone.

It is amazing what .99 cents will do when it comes to bonding with your child. The app is Skyworks Table Tennis. I do think, however, that the app worked against me to help my son win. Just saying.

The grocery store is a scary place. I know…this seems pitiful…a single dad having trouble with groceries. But try out your observational skills the next time you are at the grocery store. Look at the carts of the moms that are shopping – looking like pros. I’ve done this and I have learned that commercials are, indeed, effective.

Overly sugared cereals; white bread; cases of soda, frozen dinners; single pack juices; convience foods ranging from snack packs, lunchables…and I could go on. This list will not build a healthy child.

I know what my problem is: I always shop unprepared, and that problem comes from not having a line-up of good meals that I can cook. This leaves me turning circles in the aisles. There has got to be a better way than this.

Time to look at iPhone apps for more help. I might rely on this phone a bit too much……..nah.

Most of what I will say about food on this site…I’m about to contradict. I absolutely love Waffle House. For all you northerners, think of the Waffle House as a diner that you can trust to give the exact same service everywhere. That is, you will never know what you are going to get when you walk into a Waffle House, but you know it is going to be interesting.

One late night, I was walking in Soho, NYC with a friend that I visited often (as she was cool and lived in the city). I had been in the city for a few days and I decided I was ready to go home. At 2:00 am, I left the city and decided that I was not going to stop until I could get a sweet tea from Waffle House. I had no idea that the first one would be in Virginia. But damn it, I kept my word as an enthusiast and completed my mission. And that is my only Waffle House/New York City story that I can offer.

My 6 year old and his waffle.

In an unrelated matter, I actually fed my children Waffle House last night. What a shitty father. I was caught off guard (meaning I didn’t realize that I was going to get to keep them) and I had nothing to feed them. So I drew this diagram offering myself as the jackass that was unprepared. On a related note, the waffles were just, damn delicious. Now back to feeding my children the correct way.

Waffles for dinner does not make a nutritious meal.

2010. I’ve prepared for this day. I’ve endured two years of chronic stress that came along with my divorce and the never-ending saga of “what is coming next?”.

I weathered it. Now I’m done. My hindsight for anyone going through divorce (recently) is…don’t give it any more power than it deserves. If you have children, that is your love and they deserve every ounce that you have to offer. Acknowledge your pain but do not not steep in it.

My resolution is to finally…finally let my anger and hurt wash away with last year. It is to plan a calendar filled with activity with my children. We are going to have a blast this year.

Activity. Activity. Activity. A friend of mine described his attitude concerning his approach to sales: “I go out there prepared to make an ass of myself everyday.” I paraphrase, of course, and the context adds more to the phrase, but the thought of taking chances everyday is the excitement that will make up 2010. He said that to me years ago. It wasn’t until after my divorce that I actually started putting that into practice. In 2010, I will take more chances than ever before. Activity takes your mind away from it’s own devices. Activity relieves stress. I could have done without that stress.

2010 will be a year that my children will remember as I will give them the dad that they deserve. As my daughter put it, “I want my silly daddy.” That daddy is right here…with bells on.

Happy new year.

Christmas is over and the only way I survived it was by my new friend, Hobby Lobby. What masks as a store that you “never want to go in” is really the store that will cover all your needs (and your ass) for the “small” stuff that your ex wife was so good at. Where did she get these things that make your house look like the holidays…Easter, Christmas, Halloween?

The craft stores…that is where. I have a few craft stores around me, but Hobby Lobby really saved my ass this Christmas season. All (I mean ALL) of the decorations for the tree and around the tree came from Hobby Lobby. And I was starting from scratch as this was my first Christmas as a solo adult and parent. Tinsel, garland, ornaments, the Santa on top of the tree, stockings, stocking holders (for those of us without a fireplace and mantel)…everything.

For that real Christmas look that women achieve!

The real trick is really no trick at all: I was really into it. I wanted my children to have a Christmas at my house that did not pale in comparison to that of their mother’s. My ex is good at Christmas. Her house looked nice…with all the stuff that used to be in my house! But I did pretty damn good and it is all because of craft stores.

For those of you that just plain suck at this, get out your iPhone (which everyone should have) and punch in “Crafts” on your G00gle Search. Something should come up. Go to that place and give it a walk-through. You will need this place during the holidays. For that matter, call any cute gal you’ve been wanting to date and ask her to take you. Make it fun, but do it so you won’t be the odd man out during the holidays.

My 1st Christmas as a newly divorced dad. Very awkward. I woke up on Christmas day by myself. Not what I had imagined for myself at this stage in my life, but that was the reality. And now that I know that nothing trumps reality, I also know that I have to be 100% prepared for Christmas and every other holiday that comes along. This ain’t lip service. The stakes are high because little ones keep score.

Let me clarify before I get started. There is no one way to do Christmas, but you absolutely have to be prepared for whatever you do decide on.

I did pretty damn good if I do say so myself. My tree is spectacular (I have grown attached and I’m not bringing it down until it starts to dry up). I also succeeded with my big presents for the kids. They both love their presents. Santa brought cool presents, as well.

Here is where I need improvement:

1. More stocking stuffers. These should be easy, but I did not make the stockings appear full enough. I could tell the kids wanted more. A few more small, cool things would have really added to the moment. It would not have cost much more to do so. Note to self: Ask more questions about what they are interested in and stop the guessing game.

2. More presents. Don’t take this the wrong way. I do not believe I would be acting on my children’s behalf if I bought them too much, but like the stockings, I just needed more small stuff that they could unwrap. Note to self: It is the unwrapping that is so important.

3. More goodies. To be honest, I don’t know what the hell I mean by this. Maybe I’m just thinking about color…for the place to look more festive. I actually did a pretty good job at this, but Christmas needs more, more and more.

I’m loaded with ideas for the next go ’round. Done right, there is no competition with your ex. Done right and the whole experience is about the children.

This is my first true Christmas as a single dad. Last year, I was a mess. I had only been out of the house a couple of months. My ex-wife (and I) decided that I would spend the night on Christmas Eve and we would do Christmas in a somewhat familiar fashion for the kids. Very uncomfortable situation, to say the very least. Fast-forward to this year…and my first real Christmas with a real tree.

Over this past year I have learned that, even though I was a pretty good father, I had been missing out on all the little things that I “let” my wife do. Hard to believe that so much was getting by me and I was losing this precious time with them. From homework to basic shopping; for me to be really attending to their needs is the most valuable lesson the divorce could have given me.

This year, I have made my own list of Christmas traditions that I want to have with my children. For example, my mother has given me one Christmas ornament a year since I was born. My wife bought ornaments for the kids, but I’m not part of that anymore. This year, I’m starting back that tradition with my two children. My list also includes what we will do concerning the Christmas tree (which, of course, will be live). I have it loosely planned and will take mental notes on what they took to and what did not affect them. I want to create memories that they will hold onto, similarly to the way I look forward to my mom’s ornament.

Being a new, single dad during the holidays is not easy. There is much regret and reflection. I simply can’t believe that we are not a family in the way that I thought we always would be. I regret that we didn’t make an enthusiastic comeback. But I have also had a full two years of stress that is finally coming to an end…meaning that time is finally moving me on with less and less pain. Having my relationship with my two children is something that I can be thankful for. Having the enthusiasm to be the father that I now am is very much a blessing.

Today, I get to buy Christmas from scratch…a stand for the tree, stockings, lights…I don’t have a thing other than the ornaments my mother has given me and my children. Today, I get to start a new Christmas tradition with my children.

Facebook can be dreadful for a divorced dad… my “friends” constant updates and complaints about having to deal with multiple families and travel for Thanksgiving…what to do? I know that this “complaining” is really a form of being thankful. The activity, having something to do, is welcomed. Everything is relative, which can deceive us into thinking we have less than we really do.

Right now, my babies are sleeping. They spent the night with me on Thanksgiving Eve and I will deliver them back this afternoon of Thanksgiving. I struggled yesterday. Mostly subconsciously, but I struggled. I used to have different options – the two Thanksgivings for both families; the traveling; the sense of welcoming and belonging. Now I will spend most of the day alone. I’m not writing this to pile onto myself or to make anyone else feel sorry for me. I’m pointing out that our lives are truly what we make of it. So many actions led to my divorce and there is blame to be shared, but that doesn’t change the circumstances today. And I can honestly tell you that I never grasped that I had so much to be thankful for. I took it for granted.

So what do I have to be thankful for today…and can I really see today for what it is? First, I get to have a great first part of the day with my babies. I actually get to see them on this day, whereas I know that many fathers do not have the same option. I feel for everyone of you. We are a small society of men in which there seems to be a stigma attached…society’s sense that we deserve to not see our children equally. We are very misunderstood because so many of us still want to be full-time fathers.

In a couple of hours, I will climb into bed with them and wrestle them up, tickling them and singing them songs that will reaffirm exactly how much I love them. They expect me to do this. It is part of our ritual. I am thankful for that. We will be lazy together and jump around on the bed and I will try to be 100% in the moment so I can count everyone of them and not give any to sorrow of what this day no longer has. I will give every moment to them until I drop them off so they will have the memory of how much I love them deeply rooted in their subconscious.

Now the hard part: to be thankful for what I do have. I am healthy. I have opportunity. I have the ability to make my life as full and as happy as I would like it to be. This divorce has really opened my eyes to this “life is what you make it” thing. It is a cliche for a reason. And I have two – very cool – reasons for me to really be the most I can be in life. They are both sleeping in the next room. I am very thankful for them.

I tell myself that it is okay to acknowledge that things aren’t where I would like them to be. If I don’t do that, I’m lying to myself. But I’ll also use this matter-of-fact knowledge to also recognize that there is always something to be thankful for. They are stepping stones for this next year with the full expectation that it will be a much fulfilling and happier one.

Today, I will not allow myself to be sad when I say goodbye to my babies. I will wish them a good time with the other side of their family and I will mean it. Then I will get onto the business of my next steps of my own happiness.

Happy Thanksgiving.

1. Am I doing what is best for my children’s health?
2. AntiOxidants to help fight influenza.

1. I must admit that, since my divorce, I have been growing into a bit of a fanatic about not only my health, but especially the health of my children. I am working on a few things concerning this topic. There is no shortage of information out there concerning what should be done to keep are children healthy. Proper diet, exercise. I’m very big on mental stimulation as I have learned – for myself – how very important the art of being “active” is. What is that saying…”Idle hands are the devil’s playground?”

My observation is that our lack of knowledge concerning diet (what we should actually put into our bodies) has led to an unhealthy American society. Is it laziness? Apathy? To be honest, I’m past the point of trying to figure out the “why” and moved on to the “how”…as in “how can we change this?”. I have two children who need me to do this for them. That is my job. And so I will…

2. Can antioxidants help fight influenza? I came across a report out of the University of Alabama at Birminghan that antioxidants could help in the prevention and treatment of the flu. WellnessResources.com has a nice article that simply illustrates the findings of the researchers. They point out…

“All flu viruses, including H1N1 swine flu, produce a protein named M2.  The production of M2 protein disrupts cells lining the lungs, causing fluid to build up in the lungs and setting the stage for pneumonia.

The researchers proved that M2 induced its damage through a mechanism of free radicals, which progressively rise as the virus replicates.  They further showed that glutathione, the primary cellular antioxidant, stopped the M2-induced free radical damage, thus preventing the problem.”

I, like many parents, have wrestled with the decision of flu shots for H1N1. I do believe in prevention, so I’m interested in these recent findings. My next step is to research glutothione.

Antioxidants have become quite the buzz word. The fact that most of your antioxidants come from vegetable and fruit sources is a cause for concern. Why? Because people already know that fruits and vegetables are good for you but still do not eat them. As an adult, I have that choice because, arguably, that choice only affects me. But concerning my children, I don’t have that choice. I am here to take care of them. If I feed them unhealthy food, they will be unhealthy. I can’t have that.