2010. I’ve prepared for this day. I’ve endured two years of chronic stress that came along with my divorce and the never-ending saga of “what is coming next?”.

I weathered it. Now I’m done. My hindsight for anyone going through divorce (recently) is…don’t give it any more power than it deserves. If you have children, that is your love and they deserve every ounce that you have to offer. Acknowledge your pain but do not not steep in it.

My resolution is to finally…finally let my anger and hurt wash away with last year. It is to plan a calendar filled with activity with my children. We are going to have a blast this year.

Activity. Activity. Activity. A friend of mine described his attitude concerning his approach to sales: “I go out there prepared to make an ass of myself everyday.” I paraphrase, of course, and the context adds more to the phrase, but the thought of taking chances everyday is the excitement that will make up 2010. He said that to me years ago. It wasn’t until after my divorce that I actually started putting that into practice. In 2010, I will take more chances than ever before. Activity takes your mind away from it’s own devices. Activity relieves stress. I could have done without that stress.

2010 will be a year that my children will remember as I will give them the dad that they deserve. As my daughter put it, “I want my silly daddy.” That daddy is right here…with bells on.

Happy new year.

My 1st Christmas as a newly divorced dad. Very awkward. I woke up on Christmas day by myself. Not what I had imagined for myself at this stage in my life, but that was the reality. And now that I know that nothing trumps reality, I also know that I have to be 100% prepared for Christmas and every other holiday that comes along. This ain’t lip service. The stakes are high because little ones keep score.

Let me clarify before I get started. There is no one way to do Christmas, but you absolutely have to be prepared for whatever you do decide on.

I did pretty damn good if I do say so myself. My tree is spectacular (I have grown attached and I’m not bringing it down until it starts to dry up). I also succeeded with my big presents for the kids. They both love their presents. Santa brought cool presents, as well.

Here is where I need improvement:

1. More stocking stuffers. These should be easy, but I did not make the stockings appear full enough. I could tell the kids wanted more. A few more small, cool things would have really added to the moment. It would not have cost much more to do so. Note to self: Ask more questions about what they are interested in and stop the guessing game.

2. More presents. Don’t take this the wrong way. I do not believe I would be acting on my children’s behalf if I bought them too much, but like the stockings, I just needed more small stuff that they could unwrap. Note to self: It is the unwrapping that is so important.

3. More goodies. To be honest, I don’t know what the hell I mean by this. Maybe I’m just thinking about color…for the place to look more festive. I actually did a pretty good job at this, but Christmas needs more, more and more.

I’m loaded with ideas for the next go ’round. Done right, there is no competition with your ex. Done right and the whole experience is about the children.

Facebook can be dreadful for a divorced dad… my “friends” constant updates and complaints about having to deal with multiple families and travel for Thanksgiving…what to do? I know that this “complaining” is really a form of being thankful. The activity, having something to do, is welcomed. Everything is relative, which can deceive us into thinking we have less than we really do.

Right now, my babies are sleeping. They spent the night with me on Thanksgiving Eve and I will deliver them back this afternoon of Thanksgiving. I struggled yesterday. Mostly subconsciously, but I struggled. I used to have different options – the two Thanksgivings for both families; the traveling; the sense of welcoming and belonging. Now I will spend most of the day alone. I’m not writing this to pile onto myself or to make anyone else feel sorry for me. I’m pointing out that our lives are truly what we make of it. So many actions led to my divorce and there is blame to be shared, but that doesn’t change the circumstances today. And I can honestly tell you that I never grasped that I had so much to be thankful for. I took it for granted.

So what do I have to be thankful for today…and can I really see today for what it is? First, I get to have a great first part of the day with my babies. I actually get to see them on this day, whereas I know that many fathers do not have the same option. I feel for everyone of you. We are a small society of men in which there seems to be a stigma attached…society’s sense that we deserve to not see our children equally. We are very misunderstood because so many of us still want to be full-time fathers.

In a couple of hours, I will climb into bed with them and wrestle them up, tickling them and singing them songs that will reaffirm exactly how much I love them. They expect me to do this. It is part of our ritual. I am thankful for that. We will be lazy together and jump around on the bed and I will try to be 100% in the moment so I can count everyone of them and not give any to sorrow of what this day no longer has. I will give every moment to them until I drop them off so they will have the memory of how much I love them deeply rooted in their subconscious.

Now the hard part: to be thankful for what I do have. I am healthy. I have opportunity. I have the ability to make my life as full and as happy as I would like it to be. This divorce has really opened my eyes to this “life is what you make it” thing. It is a cliche for a reason. And I have two – very cool – reasons for me to really be the most I can be in life. They are both sleeping in the next room. I am very thankful for them.

I tell myself that it is okay to acknowledge that things aren’t where I would like them to be. If I don’t do that, I’m lying to myself. But I’ll also use this matter-of-fact knowledge to also recognize that there is always something to be thankful for. They are stepping stones for this next year with the full expectation that it will be a much fulfilling and happier one.

Today, I will not allow myself to be sad when I say goodbye to my babies. I will wish them a good time with the other side of their family and I will mean it. Then I will get onto the business of my next steps of my own happiness.

Happy Thanksgiving.