This is the week to turn in your shoe boxes. What a great way to start Christmas and a new tradition for me and my kids. This is what good does.

Over the past year or so, I have noticed a rallying cry amongst radio personalities to condemn the practice of handing out trophies at the end of the season for Little League sports. This is absurd. Every single year I played any type of Little League sport, I got a trophy. If we won the championship, we got a special trophy that dwarfed the trophy we received for participation. This trophy signified that we beat the tar out of our opponents and they knew it!

Receiving a trophy – whether you win a championship or not – is a physical memory of the season played. It is remembering the other kids on your team. It is something you can proudly put on your dresser that reminds you that you gave it your all and had fun doing it. There is not a kid (in history) that received an end-of-the-season trophy and then mistook that to mean that they really did win the championship despite losing most of their games.

But what did they remember? They remembered the plays where they came together and achieved something against the odds before them. They remember goofing off at practice and making new friends. They remembered the cheering parents mistaking their game for a pro sport and screaming at the top of their lungs. They remembered how it felt to win together. That trophy cements these memories.

Last year, I coached my son’s basketball team. We didn’t lose a game. At the end of the season, my primary concern was that each child enjoyed playing the game and hopefully I was a part of making that happen.  I wanted them to understand that it took every member of the team to achieve the success we attained. Moreover, I hoped each child grew as a player and a person during the course of the season – that they were able to take on a larger challenge and succeed. [You should have seen the precision of our Box-In-One!]

Yes, we won. That is supposed to be the end result, but these games are about so much more than winning (and I am a strong advocate of winning). If we had lost that last game and not won the championship, would these kids still have deserved a trophy? Of course they should, because the game is just so much more than the last team standing.

This part of the series, My Children’s Health.

Calories are based on a recommended 1600 calorie diet for a 10 yr old female with low activity (just things a regular kid would do during the day).
Program Used: http://caloriecount.about.com

Unfortunately, my children are unavailable for this experiment so I did a conservative estimation of what children might eat in a day. This is meant to represent a day where mom or dad just didn’t have time to cook dinner. My ex-wife works. I work. We have activities. You know how it goes.

I know that my children eat horribly when they get home from school. I’m scared to get the real details from them. My ex does make a good effort to feed them with a balanced diet, but I do think they consume too many sweets in proportion to more nutritional foods. We’ll see about that later.

Another thing we have to consider is that children rarely finish what is in front of them. Visit your child  for lunch at school and be amazed at what kids don’t eat. Seriously…they don’t eat. Full milks, white and chocolate…never opened. So we have to think about undernourishment in conjunction with that horrible mess that is being served to them via the cafeteria. We need a Jamie Oliver at every school!

So here is my mock up day:

BREAKFAST:
Before anyone starts shouting, “I don’t feed my kids that stuff!”, I get it. The fact that you are on this site suggests you give a damn. But giving a damn doesn’t mean we can’t improve. My main concern (for myself) is proper nourishment and under nourishment. My own children have cereals with their mom that I would not buy, so I chose to include it. I threw in some sausages and, to be honest, forgot the fruit. They always get fruit. Of course, they also have pancakes and waffles…anyway.

LUNCH & DINNER:
Lunch at school. Does everyone remember the school pizza? Children really don’t need good food, right? Just make sure it has large doses of sugar or salt and you’ll be good. This is not the place for my rant on school food, so I’ll leave it at that. I just remember the pizza, corn and chocolate milk. This is definitely the meal where you can say that our children are extremely malnourished (mainly from the lack of supervision). There is no one there to tell them to eat, so they don’t. Keep in mind that I did not include whatever the dessert might be (the one thing they usually finish).

So mom or dad is running late from work, or there was soccer practice or drama. No time to prepare and make a meal. Fast food is always there to help. Could there be anything less nutritious than fast food? Candy, I suppose. And as a business model, I applaud fast food. At this moment, I could get into my car and go to any fast food restaurant, stuff myself and be a happy camper. For that matter, a Little Caeser’s pizza is only $5. Can you beat a $5 pepperoni pizza? I think not.

But all this is besides the point. If you fast food once a week, whatever. 3 & 4 times a week is going to be a problem. Look at the calories in small size Happy Meal. I can’t remember if there is a sugar treat with the Happy Meal. Regardless, no sane adult can claim a Happy Meal to be a passable dinner.

SNACKS:

I threw in one 12 oz coke and some fruit chews. I’m positive my children inhale more sweets than this if they have the pantry to themselves. Again, scared to know.

TOTAL CALORIES IN A CHILD’S DIET:

1917.4

So we are over 317 calories based on my 10 year daughter. What is our analysis of Protein, Carbohydrates and Fat? Maybe our grade (B-) is part of the problem with our epidemic. This menu ranks a clear F with me. Let’s look at the nutritional breakdown:

Kind of says it all, doesn’t it? Carbohydrates, Saturated Fats and Sodium are all rated Too High. Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C and Calcium are rated Too Low. This is a B-?

Again – I created this fictitious day. The good news is that this is not everyday. The bad news is that obesity (adults and children) is going up every year in this country. Based on the lunches that I see everyday at my kid’s school, I have a bad feeling that many of our children are undernourished and/or eating some really sub-par substitutes. If a child is undernourished a little each day, would we actually be able to notice?  What effect would this consistent malnourishment lead to? There are good fats and bad fats, good carbs and bad carbs, better forms of protein. This is what needs to be sorted through.

This is my quest for myself concerning my two children. I’ll take any input along the way.

How much is it worth to put my children’s health first?

Put simply, it is time for me to pay more attention to my children’s health – what they eat and their activity levels. Before my own schedule. Before the fury of extra-curricular activities.  It is time to stop looking at a Happy Meal as an adequate meal (others might do this). It is time to stop looking at Chik-Fil-a as an alternative because I haven’t prepared for the meal that is now upon us. [Note: I love you Chik-Fil-A. I do. But I can't support you anymore if I'm going to lose my own weight and get healthier.]

Obesity stats of adults are sobering. Look at the chart from the previous link and be astonished as you visually see the rise in obesity in this country from 1985 to 2010. It’s pitiful. It is inexcusable.

• Approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years are obese.
• Since 1980, obesity prevalence among children and adolescents has almost tripled. (from CDC).

My thought is simple: If I choose to be overweight and out of shape, then that is an adult making a decision. If, however, my children are overweight or obese, that is completely on the parent. No excuse. Our children’s health must be addressed and I’ll start with my own as I have much learning to do on the subject. I do worry that my children are not getting enough protein, good fats and good carbohydrates. I worry that my daughter is not getting enough calcium. I can stop all this worrying by pulling myself out of ignorance and learn a little bit.

Here goes.

A day in the life of a child’s diet. – Here is a scary portrayal of how your child might be eating. At the very least, it will make you pause and consider what you are feeding your child. Our goal is to take this knowledge and move forward to a smarter way of providing nutrition for our children.

That is what she said.

• Very little cardio.
• Walking, but leisurely while talking to friends.
• Refusal to truly watch what she eats.
• Then – and this is the kicker – not paying attention to what she eats. It doesn’t matter if it is not healthy as long as it is a 100 calorie pack. Oreos? Whatever.

Why am I not losing weight?

I have never asked myself that question. I never asked why I was overweight. I knew why. My son – 8 yrs – does not want an out-of-shape dad. He has said it to me in more than one way. He wants a healthy dad that can play with him until we both give out of breath. As much as I love the goodness of all those unhealthy foods, I love him, my daughter and myself more.

Our educational system has failed to address the issues of health. We should have a thorough knowledge of how our body works and how certain foods are good for us and how others are bad. This lack of continuing health education has created a nation of  unhealthy fat asses. Is there any other way to say it?

• Percent of adults age 20 years and over who are obese: 34% (2007-2008)
• Percent of adults age 20 years and over who are overweight (and not obese): 34% (2007-2008)
• Percent of adolescents age 12-19 years who are obese: 18% (2007-2008)
• Percent of children age 6-11 years who are obese: 20% (2007-2008)
• Percent of children age 2-5 years who are obese: 10% (2007-2008)

[from http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/overwt.htm]

And these stats are from 2007-2008!

We have become a country of people who rationalize our weight – more importantly, our health. Instead of pushing each other to get healthier (and make no mistake, it is truly about being healthier as opposed to looking like a movie star), we have told each other that we are just fine the way we are. Look around. Look at the stats above. We are not just fine.

Until we stop making excuses, nothing will change. Isn’t that what we teach to our children? Do we entertain our children rationalizing why they did not do their homework? I don’t. I turn off the tv and point them to their books.

This rant is sponsored by another couple of pounds lost. How? Exercise, counting calories and eating healthier foods. I am no where near the healthy man that I want to be, but it starts here. And I’ll be honest, the simplicity of enacting better habits made me feel like an idiot for not doing it before now. The plus side of getting healthier is the positive state of mind that you create for yourself. If you have multiple days of eating well and exercising, you start to take on some of the fun side of yourself that might have disappeared. Why? Because you are doing it. Really doing it. Or maybe that is just me.

“Yeah boy. This weight is coming off!” (Dancing in front of mirror doing Rocky dance).

I do the dance, laughing along with the out-of-shape guy in the mirror who plans on changing…a little bit more…each day. I’m unveiling next spring break. Bank on it.

Pondering: Post my divorce, I have chosen not to take my children to a separate church apart from the one that they already go to with their mom. Need to research how other divorced dads are doing this.

I have two children. Both bad asses – the most amazing little things. Yeah, I’m a parent and we all feel this way about our children. Right on. But isn’t it great when being a parent actually takes you by surprise? For a brief moment, you get to experience that joy as if it were the first time? Love it. If you are lucky, you can also catch yourself being a great parent, knowing that exactly what you did was the absolute right thing.

My two children have always played well together, mostly because my older child is a nurturer. She is what you want from your oldest. These children also have different strengths and weaknesses. My younger son is a guy trying to beat his way through the air to get to the sun. I am his cheering section. My daughter just wants to hug and play. She is joyfully not looking for the other side of her childhood.

I could (like you, I’m sure) go on about both of my children. But what I really want to point out was the perfect synergy that I experienced tonight. My daughter was faced with a challenge with which she knew she wouldn’t succeed. She simply had not learned how to perform a front flip off the diving board. This was not just for fun, either. It was a dive meet.

Her body…the cutest, longest legs and arms (that she can’t get command of) will just not cooperate together for any common balance. It is adorable, but it is awkward at times. We were staring at one of them. She had already done pretty well on her previous, but easier, dives. But this one…

She came up to me and expressed her nervousness.”Do it. Don’t do it.” I said nonchalantly. “It’s up to you. We can always practice for the next time.” She gave me a quick hug and then got in line at the diving board. I knew she would do it because it is just not in her to not try. And…she proceeded to land flat on her back for a no-score.

As she was getting out, I gave her the same smile and clap that I did for her other dives. This dive, it will turn out, will be her perfect dive because she faced it down. Sometimes life is just that simple. And I was able to live a sequence where I was just the dad that was there for her. No pointers on how to do the flip. No “you can do it’s”. Nope. I just pointed out to her that she had a choice. I would have been proud of either one.

Willing to completely fail in front of a captive audience? I couldn’t be more proud. Only a true bad ass confronts that type of fear.

Every parent should see Waiting for “Superman”. No matter your politics, this movie will move you if you have children in school. Full disclosure, I don’t care how you choose to educate your children. You had them, your choice on how you raise them. For me, I think about my children’s education constantly. I have a daughter a year away from middle school and I’m searching for the best environment for her…one that fits her as opposed to making her the square peg trying to fit the round hole.

I’m not looking to get into the fight about unions and whether they are good or bad for schools. I don’t care about public schools vs charter schools vs private schools. In other words, I’m not trying to decide how your kids are taught. I will say that my experience with our school (this past year) was one that made me realize that I need to pay more attention to what my children are being taught. These teachers see my children more than I do. I should know who they are and what they believe. I also should know if they are going to check their beliefs at the door when it is time to teach my children the fundamentals they need in order for them to reach their own conclusions.

Divorced dad habit…Call my children like clockwork.

Everyday. Regardless of what time I go to bed. Regardless of where I am. I have my iPhone set to remind me to call my children to wish them good morning and good night, because everyday sets a “new normal”. My habits and actions…or inaction set expectations. They know it is coming. If I don’t call, something is wrong.

I am terrified of my children thinking of me as a secondary parent, but the reality is that they see their mom more than me and habit creates impression. This is unavoidable. Homework. Dinner. Bath time. Bed time. She gets it most of the time. My…how I miss these little things and why was I not more involved when I was married? Now I look forward to the routine duties of a parent when my children are with me. But that is not the majority of the time, so I do other things to stay present.

The “I’m Going to Call My Children” List

I know. This is common sense and does not warrant a list. Maybe, but it does require a reminder because I don’t have an internal alarm clock to wake me up at 7:05 AM every morning and then get my attention at 3:15PM (after school) and then 8:30 at night. So…the list.

1. Decide your “Good Morning” and “Good Night” time.
   These are non-negotiable. My children have grown to expect phone calls from me at these times. They are ready. These conversations are “Have a great day at school. I love you.” and “Sleep good. I love you.” Obviously, I do my best to get more out of them but I’m definitely getting my points across. Do not get discouraged if they don’t seem absolutely thrilled to hear your voice. Sometimes we just go through the motions but I always say “I love you” and that is what I’m trying to drive home.
2. Mid-day call.
   This is the call where I try and get them talking. I have found that my children will walk around the house when they are talking. This stimulates their thinking and they are willing to share with me more. They are also more awake!
3. Program your phone.
   If you don’t have some sort of smart phone, I don’t know how you are living. For all others, program these calls as to-do’s and set alarms to remind you to get dialing. I can’t tell you how many times my phone has jolted me out of something I was doing. Without the reminder, I would have never made the call.
4. Follow through.
   You can’t miss calling on a regular basis or else you defeat the purpose of calling in the first place. My purpose is to infuse in my children that I love them more than anything and that I am here for them. A phone call reminds them of this (and a little, not-so-subtle approach of reminding them of who loves them more than life…always in a fun way).
5. Stay positive.
   No one – especially children – wants to be brought down. Be their source of positivity.
6. Don’t talk about their mother.
   Unless you have something good to say, shut up. Anyway…make this time about you and them.
7. Don’t make them middle men for anything, no matter how small.
   First, it is a lot of pressure to put on a child. Do not “Ask you mother this…” with your children. Again, this just takes the focus off of your fun call. I am trying to hold on to an unbreakable foundation of “Your daddy is always here for you.” This is indisputable. Besides, my ex and I communicate most things by text or email. This keeps things orderly.
8. Call me anytime, from anywhere.
   My line is always open. If they get sick and are throwing up at 3 in the morning, I encourage them to call me if they want to, just as they would count on me if I was in the house. They have acted on this and I know they like the option of calling me whenever they need me.

If you are newly divorced, my experience can tell you that this simple practice has really strengthened my relationship with my children. It also kept me sane as I was learning how to live without them everyday (post divorce). Two plus years after my divorce, I am very thankful that I had the presence of mind to pick up the phone during that extremely hard first week after I moved out.

Good morning. Good night.

I’ve just had an epiphany: 7 & 8 year old boys play basketball because it is supposed to be fun. I have just spent an hour teaching them the opposite. I am my son’s basketball coach. Right about now, he is not too happy about that, and with good reason. You see, they are 7 & 8 year old boys and girls. This means that they are not going to be able to process everything I know in one hour. I just made basketball not fun for them. Big lesson for me. Don’t do what you did tonight.

Every experience we have should be a rewarding one. Why not? I do believe that it matters if you win or lose, but that could mean different things in different situations. I want everyone to be involved so I emphasize passing. Passing means nothing if you can’t dribble more than 3 dribbles in any direction. Some knocks are going to have to be taken. Losing will be worse if the kids are not having fun. Time to look for fun, practice games for next practice. I’m given myself a coaching makeover…starting now. Tone it down. Lower the excitement and let them have time for craziness.

Tonight, I was the modern day version of Bobby Knight…okay, maybe not him at his behavioral worst, but way, way, way too serious. We could run the table and still not get a bid to the NCAA tourney. I think we have some room for fun.

Time to call my son and see how bad the fallout is.

Update: We ended up winning the championship going undefeated. What I learned:

1) Kids, even young kids, respond well to being given responsibility.

2) You don’t have to baby kids. They are much tougher than society is giving them credit for.

3) Parents are much tougher than they act if you just give them a chance to allow their children to hit the floor every once and awhile.

4) Children are in much, much worse shape than when I was playing all day long. I had kids actually wanting to sit out. I yelled at them appropriately. They are still awesome – don’t get me wrong – but I had no response to the child telling me that they wanted to sit out.

5) Children love to win and they will work hard to do so.

6) It is okay to lose with the team you have on the floor.