This is my first true Christmas as a single dad. Last year, I was a mess. I had only been out of the house a couple of months. My ex-wife (and I) decided that I would spend the night on Christmas Eve and we would do Christmas in a somewhat familiar fashion for the kids. Very uncomfortable situation, to say the very least. Fast-forward to this year…and my first real Christmas with a real tree.
Over this past year I have learned that, even though I was a pretty good father, I had been missing out on all the little things that I “let” my wife do. Hard to believe that so much was getting by me and I was losing this precious time with them. From homework to basic shopping; for me to be really attending to their needs is the most valuable lesson the divorce could have given me.
This year, I have made my own list of Christmas traditions that I want to have with my children. For example, my mother has given me one Christmas ornament a year since I was born. My wife bought ornaments for the kids, but I’m not part of that anymore. This year, I’m starting back that tradition with my two children. My list also includes what we will do concerning the Christmas tree (which, of course, will be live). I have it loosely planned and will take mental notes on what they took to and what did not affect them. I want to create memories that they will hold onto, similarly to the way I look forward to my mom’s ornament.
Being a new, single dad during the holidays is not easy. There is much regret and reflection. I simply can’t believe that we are not a family in the way that I thought we always would be. I regret that we didn’t make an enthusiastic comeback. But I have also had a full two years of stress that is finally coming to an end…meaning that time is finally moving me on with less and less pain. Having my relationship with my two children is something that I can be thankful for. Having the enthusiasm to be the father that I now am is very much a blessing.
Today, I get to buy Christmas from scratch…a stand for the tree, stockings, lights…I don’t have a thing other than the ornaments my mother has given me and my children. Today, I get to start a new Christmas tradition with my children.
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